Krypto's Blog!!

I’m crying alone in my room right night just like when we met, you stole my heart back then and that made me happy but now I feel like you just robbed me of any love I felt. My blood is boiling like lava and it’s melting my heart as it flows through my veins but yet it feels cold like plasma because without you… my heart is just like Antarctica.

You make me lost, scared and saddened.. without you I have no compass to tell me which direction to head, without you.. I’m free to throw my life away because I have nothing left to fear except eternity without you.. you make me saddened that the love I thought you felt for me could be so easily turned off like a light switch.

I’m sorry for saying that I would kill myself but I can’t because I’m not as strong as some people, I don’t have the willpower to end my suffering. Maybe one day, I will be sitting alone in this room just like I am now in perhaps 5 -10 years and I’ll finally end it just because the thought of you with someone else will cut me deeper than you have cut me right now.

My heart is already leaking tears from my eyes, you thrust a katana through my chest with no mercy or regret. Now the lava is running down my face like the blood circulating inside me and it burns me with such pain that now I know this Earth is hell.

I always seen the light inside you but now I see darkness extinguish you. You leave me here alone, thinking false thoughts about me. I see now that the devil has a greater hold over you than me.Your mind is filled with delusions and false information. If only you could into my soul, then you could see the love blossoming which now you make wither like dying flowers in the winter because you were my sun… and now you cast me out of your solar system into the unknown depths of space.

What is this pain, what is this suffering? 

You made me feel love for the first time in my life which felt amazing but now you make me feel pain more realistic than anything else I’ve ever endured. I feel the urge to hurt myself, to cut my body so that the ache inside me will stop.. so that the ache you caused with your katana will be alleviated.

I don’t know what I have left when you’re removed from the equation. I have nothing but this loneliness and hatred for myself. You’re all I ever had but you were all I ever needed. 

Change is such a bitter thing, you made me feel like a butterfly but I guess all dreams must come to an end eventually… I’m not beautiful like you said, I’m just a Caterpillar who wished he could be something better. 

I feel so depressed, I wish that I could die right now. I have nothing else to live for but you already know that and yet you still didn’t even try to understand me.

I tried to be good, I tried to be worthy, I tried to be nice and think in the best way I know how. I promised you that I never liked or wanted anyone else but you couldn’t believe me and your forgiveness was a false gesture. Your forgiveness was just a way to make yourself feel better while I feel worse because as much as you hate me, no one hates me as much as myself. 

I love you so much and I only ever wanted you to believe it and see that the love inside me was worth the time and effort. The time I spent with you has been the best times of my life and I feel so hurt without you. 

I feel so hurt when you compare me or disrespect me. I feel unloved and damaged when you cuss at me and accuse me of things I never did or things which were entirely innocent.

I hope you finally know just how much I love you because If I didn’t then believe me… I wouldn’t be so upset when you act like you don’t…

I’m in love with you♥ 

My girlfriend has been feeling a little unloved lately and in need of some emotionally stimulating evidence of my profoundly deep affection towards her. I have decided to write and dedicate this post to her as a written statement of my passion and affection.

Sorry - I wish that I could be more than human, you know that I have a deep desire to have superpowers and to be something far more powerful and great then just an ordinary man but yet I’m subject to humanities flaws. I make mistakes like everyone else and I am sorry for them all. I am sorry for being mortal and succumbing to the pressure of life. I want you to know that I am truly sorry and even though you say that you have forgiven me, I still haven’t and can’t forgive myself because I’m not like other people. I never wanted to be like anyone else or to upset the woman I love like other guys did. I always think to myself, how could you be so stupid to risk something so precious and unique as her?

I never have an answer to that question… it eludes me because it doesn’t exist, there is no logic to what I have done. I can only say that I have learned from every mistake that I’ve made, hopefully that will make me a better person overall. You’re my first real girlfriend and so I am deeply apologetic for not treating you in the way you deserve. 

I will make you believe that I love you, I will make you believe that I like only you, I will make you believe that you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, I will make you believe that you are in heaven♥ - My life mission. 

Once again, I’d just like to say sorry for putting you through so much pain, tears and tissues. I never wanted to hurt you, I even think about hurting myself now to try and make up for what I did and how I’ve made you feel. 

I wish I were perfect but apparently there can only be one perfect being and that’s you. I will try my best to prevent you from crying anymore. You really did surprise me by how forgiving you are and how much you love me♥ I want nothing more than to return the love which you make me feel every single day of my life<333 xoxox 

I am so blessed and lucky to have you, I am so sorry that I ever risked losing you. I might not even be alive if it weren’t for you because you changed how I thought about the everything, the world, life, love and just everything<3 

I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BABY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

My definition of love - My definition of love is quite extensive but I will try to list some. 

1 - Kissing each other in the morning after waking up.

2 - Holding hands even if its just for a few seconds 

3 - Driving to Mcdonalds just to get a mcmuffin 

4 - Kissing each other on the nose when the other is sleeping

5 - Spooning in bed to be as close as possible 

6 - Looking each other in the eyes and an hour passes before you turn away, losing track of time

7 - Lick a little bit of ice cream of their lip when they eat messy 

Meeting you - When I meet you for the first time, it will become the most relevant and important memory that I have. I will see you and I will suddenly be overwhelmed by a sea of emotion, I will hug you and kiss you. 

We will hold each other for 10 minutes and leave holding hands. We will spend every moment together, laughing, smiling, playing and loving♥ 

It will be the most amazing time in both are lives :*

Beautiful - I think that you’re delusional because you and I see yourself differently. I see you as the most beautiful girl in the entire world!!! I think you’re absolutely gorgeous and forever sexy ;)

I always wonder why you’re with me when you’re so much better looking than me. You’re wanted by almost every guy… yet you choose me :”> 

You have PERFECT eyes! perfect lips! :* xoxox perfect hair :”> perfect complexion, perfect smile, perfect laugh, perfect voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU HUN!!! everything about you is just so perfect :’)

Your future -  I know that you can be whatever you choose to be and I believe in you. You will go far if you really try and really want to, I’ll be there cheering you on every step of the way darling. Every moment that you’r unsure, I’ll be there to give you a little nudge in the right direction. You can do any job that you desire, just put your all into it and you will accomplish it, I believe in you and I will ALWAYS be proud of you♥

You’re so special and unique, I know that whatever you end up doing or becoming, I’ll be forever in love with you and that will never change my love :*<333 xoxoxo

Lynnette:

I know that I used to say all these things across multiple websites but nothing has changed. My love for you is still just as strong as it always has been and you’re still inside my heart<3 

You have been the part of me that keeps me alive since the day we first met, the part of me that makes me smile or laugh and even the part of me that makes me dream and cry because you’re the absolute best component inside this ugly body of mine.

You’re the engine of my emotion, the fuel of my progression, the steering wheel of my life’s mission and the breaks to stop me from crashing. 

You are the most important person in my life and no matter what anyone else says, no one will ever be loved as much as you♥

Wolves are very loyal, honest and protective creatures, they mate for life.

I always like to think of myself as embodying the metaphysical spirit of the wolf because there exists no other animal from which I feel such an intrinsic  connection.

The wolf is a symbol of nature, wisdom, loyalty, family, cunning and ferocity. It has many treats, some are considered negative and some positive.  

I too have inherited the same qualities as the wolves I idolize. I am subject to intense emotion and an unchangeable need to protect what I love.

Me and my girlfriend decided that I’d stay up 30 hours as a challenge. She is meanwhile planning on staying awake for 48 hours straight. I had an earlier start because of our time zones and in about 3 hours, I’ll have reached my goal.

Lynnette treated me with videos as a reward and incentive  to actually complete the challenge. She even made me promise to not lie, in the event that I accidentally fall asleep. I’ve maintained my status of being fully awake but I feel drowsiness circling me like vultures surrounding a dead body, which is exactly how my body actually feels at this point.

Should be good to finally get some sleep. The only problem is the 30 hours end at 3pm which means that I’d either have to sleep in the day or stay up until tonight. I’ve already been awake for too long though.

What makes someone unique?

Is it the way they talk? the way they move? the way they act? the way they fight? the way they persevere?

The way they think? the way they feel? the way they dream or the way they smile?

I think people in general are a dime a dozen. Humans are easily replaceable because most people don’t have any value beyond their abilities to perform tasks which benefit society. It’s a circle really, a trivial existence.

1 in a million however, is born unique with something different burning inside. Something that could affect reality and make a difference, something that’s buried inside which is just waiting to be grasped. Something which not everyone can see but everyone would want. These people are different from the rest of society and I’m proud to consider myself one of them.

I was lucky enough to find another, a truly remarkable lady. She changed my life and affected my reality. She was unique just like me and that’s what drew me towards her because I could tell that she was special, worthy, unique and a kindred spirit which would match my own. I knew that she was my perfect soulmate and that me and her would be able to conquer anything together.

It’s not weird to be different, it’s a blessing. 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a very long time now and we are still happy, I know I am. Sometimes she thinks that I don’t love her but the truth is exactly the opposite from her perception because in actuality, I love her more than she could ever comprehend.

I think about her as if she were oxygen or water. My mind just automatically thinks about her, sometimes without me realizing because she isn’t just a want, she’s a need<3

I need her to be happy and to maintain my sense of balance in this existence, she makes me a better person and shows me who I really am. If we are defined by whom we surround ourselves by, then I must be god… because I’m standing next to an Angel♥

I am still very much in love with her and we’re going to be an amazing couple when we meet because we are already an amazing couple right now. I know that we will always be together in one way or another. Nothing will ever stop me from loving my girlfriend♥♥♥

Formspring is apparently going to close down. I never thought the day would come because a lot of websites drift into oblivion even when they’re not making money but still remain active online. 

Formspring said in their blog that they’re not making enough money, so they’re switching off the servers and everything will be deleted. All responses, questions, answers and images. The smiles are already gone I believe which I had around 40-50k of mostly thanks to Lynnette.

There is an option to export the data to email for download, the limit is one per account due to it allegedly being quite expensive. I intend to export of course. It’s been a fun ride but I am quite saddended that I will never make it to 1000 followers or 100,000 responses. 

Current stats:

Responses - 61031

Questions - Unknown (An incredible amount)

Smiles - 1000+ (That’s the limit it shows)

Followers - 929 (I used to have 933, I guess some people quit early)

Following - 261 (I’d be only following about 30 people if formspring had allowed me to unfollow people… they never fixed that problem.. guess they never will…..)

I joined Formspring over 2 years ago, it was one of the first websites I joined when I got the Internet. I followed someone from Y!A onto Formspring to see what the big deal was. I became addicted instantly. At first I was horrible at trying to talk with people, maybe even annoying because I never had friends in real life and talking to people online felt so weird… I became more used to it and finally it became normal. I felt accepted and I suppose that’s a massive part of how I became this addicted to the Internet. 

I had a lot of drama with different people, people who hated me, disliked me and even people who were meant to be my friend but back then I guess I considered some people friends just because I followed and answered their questions for months etc

I was depressed and part of that came from formspring and taking things too personally, I even cried sometimes over people simply disliking me. I’m stronger now, more emotionally mature. 

The most Important thing that Formspring gave me was my girlfriend and she has had a massive impact on my life, she changed it forever and I have my moments of regression but just a single thought of her is enough to bring me back to reality. She made me feel so loved, so needed and worthy. She made me smile and laugh, she still does even now. I won’t type too much about Lynnette in this post because I want to keep it focused on Formspring but I owe Formspring a lot, it really did change my life in ways that I never expected when I signed up for my account.

I didn’t just get an account, I got my future wife♥♥♥

Me and her talked on formspring for 15 hours per day, she always made me go to her profile which I thought was unfair but I didn’t mind because I enjoyed speaking with her so much. I would refresh her profile constantly just waiting for her reply which would make me smile instantly. I thought she was so adorable and perfect, I still do<3

The road was a long and unpleasant one, filled with many bumps and many sad times but formspring was also the birth place of Krypto the magic wolf, who I now know is the real me inside. Nick is a human skin for others to see but if I have a soul, it’s shaped as a wolf. It was also the beginning of the greatest love story every told and a love story that shall never end♥

Goodbye Formspring, you shall never be forgotten<33333 Thanks for the great times and the great memories<3

Now, I have returned and intend to write more about my life including the thoughts and dreams I have within said life.

People have wondered if I have some kind of identity disorder for releplaying a wolf online…

Krypto is the wolf who represents part of my inner personality, he is noble and righteous. Krypto is just a representation of what I am inside, nothing more, me and krypto are one and the same. I don’t roleplay a character anymore, maybe at the start I did but now me and krypto are the same person regardless of this human body we inhabit.

A noble wolf or a chaotic snake? 

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I miss her when she sleeps, I miss her when she leaves, I miss every breath she takes, I miss every moment we never shared and now our fates are but one, my love for her is like an explosion that shakes my life and dents my heart because every moment I’m not with her is like being shot through the heart. Without her voice, without her love I am empty as a vase without a flower… :(

I loves and mish my Lynbear!! :’o :( :’( <3

I love you Lynnette<3

Something I never had much of and that with which I am blessed with is more like a curse to hinder my abilities and growth or to change me into something/someone I was never meant to be. 

I know the rights and wrongs of what a family should be and can be, what must be said and what should never be said. Many people forget the true purpose of being alive, they strive for a good career, more money or whatever it might be, they forget that we’re here to pass on our wisdom and teachings to our children, the inheritors of our legacy if you will. 

Having a family is at the core of existing because without one you’re alone. Loneliness being one of the greatest pains someone can endure. 

I refuse to be weak in this respect, my father was weak, my mother is weak. I won’t be a weak father. My children should I choose to have them which is probable, will inherit my teachings and ethics. I want to be a good father, I’m thinking of changing my last name to show separation from my own family and to symbolise the birth of a new one, a new family born from me. 

I want my children to be what I could have always been, I want them to be raised right and for them to love me in the way I could never love my parents..

I haven’t posted anything here lately because I have been trying forget what I was, what happened to me, what I felt and what I thought was true.. I see now that my darkness can’t be cured but only controlled and overshadowed, I’m always going to be this person inside, at least in part… I will still have these memories, this body and my emotions to contend with. I struggle to care about anything trivial, all I care about is finding love, some people think it’s overrated and I used to delude myself into believing that but I have never had it in any shape or form, from my perspective it’s the most important thing in life.. I watch it from afar looking through these hollow eyes into a realm I never understood, such a simple thing as holding hands makes me wonder what magic keeps me from having it. I constantly see others throw it away so easily, they have it and yet abandon it without thought..

I found a girl now, one I really like.. she is my girlfriend and everything about her makes me smile, I still fight with myself wondering if it’s just an illusion or a dream that’s about to end. I hope it doesn’t because I know in my heart that she is the one I want to be with and stay with for as long as life permits, she is my baby lion and I hope she will always be<333